Red Flags You Must Not Ignore if You are Dating Over 40
You meet a charming man on Match.com who says all the right things. After two weeks of texting, he asks you to wire $1,500 because his “daughter is stuck abroad.” You hesitate… is this normal?
Dating after 40 is completely different from dating in your 20s. The game has changed because of divorce drama, adult children, and financial responsibilities. Some red flags seem obvious (like the guy who posts shirtless mirror selfies), but others are subtle and dangerous.
Here are real warning signs—with scenarios you’ll recognize—so you don’t waste time on the wrong person.
Profile Red Flags (The Hidden Warnings)
1. The “Recently Divorced” Time Bomb
His profile says “Newly single!” with a winking emoji, and on your date, he spends 45 minutes ranting about his “crazy ex-wife’s lawyer.” This is a serious red flag. It means that he’s not emotionally ready and may compare you to his ex. You don’t want to be compared with his ex!
- ✅ Green flag: “Divorced 3+ years, good relationship with my ex.”
2. The Fitness Obsessive
If she puts up a profile with selfies and the bio that reads: “If you can’t keep up, swipe left.” At dinner, she critiques your carb order. This is an unavoidable red flag. What this means is that she has superficial values or a midlife crisis.
- ✅ Green flag: Balanced photos (hobbies, friends, travel).
3. The Mystery Parent
Have kids” is checked, but zero photos or mentions. When asked, he says: “They live with their mom most of the time.” If they avoid basic details, they could be hiding financial issues or a messy custody battle.
- ✅ Green flag: “Proud dad of two teens!” with a G-rated family photo.
💬 Messaging Red Flags (The Early Warnings)
1. The Sob Story Scammer
After 3 days of texting, he comes up with the reply: “My wallet was stolen in Lagos. Can you Venmo $200? I’ll pay you back when my offshore oil rig check clears.”
- 🚩 What it means: 100% scam. Block immediately.
- ✅ Green flag: Splits the first coffee date bill.
2. The Emotional Vampire
Scenario: She trauma-dumps about her ex-husband’s affair in the first chat. By date two, you’re her free therapist.
- 🚩 What it means: Emotionally draining and unavailable.
- ✅ Green flag: “I’ve done therapy and learned from my past.”
3. The Future Faker
Scenario: Before meeting: “You’re exactly what I’ve been looking for! Let’s book a Bali trip for next month.”
- 🚩 What it means: Love bombing to rush intimacy.
- ✅ Green flag: Takes time to plan casual first dates.
📞 Pre-Date Red Flags (The Safety Checks)
1. The Camera-Shy Casanova
Scenario: He refuses to video chat: “My camera’s broken.” At the restaurant, he looks 10 years older than his photos.
- 🚩 What it means: Catfishing or hiding a relationship.
- ✅ Green flag: Proactively suggests a quick FaceTime.
2. The Last-Minute Canceller
Scenario: She cancels your third date 30 minutes before, saying her “dog ate a sock.” Next week? “My kid has a sudden flu.”
- 🚩 What it means: Flaky or dating multiple people.
- ✅ Green flag: Respects your time with advance notice.
💰 Financial Red Flags (The Scams)
1. The International “Businessman”
Scenario: He’s a “widowed engineer working in Dubai.” After a month, he asks you to “hold $50K” for him because of “bank issues.”
- 🚩 What it means: Classic romance scam.
- 🔍 Check: Google his photos + “scam.”
2. The Cash-Strapped Charmer
Scenario: On date three: “My ex froze my accounts. Can I borrow $800 for rent?”
- 🚩 What it means: Financial irresponsibility or con.
- ✅ Green flag: Never asks for money.
✅ What to Do When You Spot These
- For scammers: Screenshot, report to the app, block.
- For emotionally unavailable people: Say: “I think we want different things.”
- For liars: Trust your gut—walk away early.
💡 Final Advice
Scenario to remember: *A 45-year-old woman ignored her date’s refusal to video chat. At the restaurant, he was married—his wife called during appetizers.*
Don’t let loneliness blind you. The right person won’t set off alarm bells.
👇 Which of these scenarios have you seen? Share below!
